"My task is to think only in the present-not in the past or in the future."

Ans : In my childhood my mother would tell me stories from the Bhagavatam, and these stories inspired me very much. Daily she would read one chapter on her own, and then she would tell me the stories. The people in my family were all quite intelligent and had good careers and jobs. On the other hand, I was a poor student with very little interest in school, and as a result I got a lot of slaps from my family! I would often go to temples to escape my schoolwork. I was very happy to visit with sannyasins; they were filled with love, they were teaching me many interesting things and they would also give me food! I wanted to serve them and I thought they were all very good men; by age 13 or 14 I wanted to become like them. I also had been doing japa since the age of fourteen, and that practice helped increase my devotion. My family did all the pujas (worships) of a pious family and after my thread ceremony I learned all the mantras and chanting for the various devotional services.

One day I heard from my mother that an astrologer had said that I would eventually leave the house and become a sannyas, and then some years later another astrologer told me personally that I would become a sannyas, and from that moment forward (I was 17 by that time), I had it in my mind to actually do so. There was also a slight pull towards the worldly life, but I had vairagya (dispassion) and did not feel that it was right for me.

I fought with my family and myself for two years, but at age 19 I left home. I had the desire at first to be a big man-a famous pundit, a renowned knower of the Vedas and all that sort of thing. I therefore joined a Vedic college near New Delhi and took a course that lasted altogether about eight months. Most of the other students in the college had also wanted to be big pundits, but I eventually lost that desire and became uninterested in money and fame. I was being taught the Bhagavatam, and the teacher urged me to become a wandering ascetic, and something about that life appealed to me. Barefoot and without money I walked from Delhi to Brindivan and took biksha (alms) along the way. I then walked back to Delhi and later came on foot up to Haridwar with the intention of coming to Rishikesh. I used to think that only by being barefoot and without money could one go to God, but I do not think like that any longer.

All along I had a strong devotion for Swami Chidanandaji, something I maybe got from my brother who was himself very drawn towards Swamiji. He had read stories to me about Swami Sivanandaji and Chidanandaji throughout my life, and I was inspired to go to the Sivananda Ashram. I came here and was allowed to stay. In 1992 I took mantra initiation from Swami Chidanandaji, and in 1993 I was initiated into brahmacharya (vow of celibacy), and in 1996 I was given sannyas. I was posted to Orissa and given some service to do there, which I happily carried out for some time, and I also had the opportunity to study Sanskrit and the scriptures for a time in Puri. I eventually came back to the Sivananda Ashram in 1996 and have been here since.

In terms of my sadhana, every four or five years I feel a little bit different about my practice and what is most important for me to do, but I can tell you what I am doing now. There are three sadhanas now that I very much want to practise. The first is from the physical point of view. I want to do maximum service to human beings and do anything I can to help humanity. One should always help others; I don't want to just sit and meditate and forget about the needs of people. The second aspect of my sadhana has to do with the mind. My task is to think only in the present-not in the past or in the future. I want my concentration to be fixed in whatever I am doing, and I want always to be mindful and present in every situation. The third aspect is that of spirituality: I want to be established in Truth. By Truth I mean our ultimate consciousness, our Atman. I am observing this awareness by affirming the mantras I was given in my initiation into sannyas. I'm trying very hard to do this, but I don't feel that I am established in the practice yet.

Another major part of my spiritual life is going on yatras (pilgrimages). Going on these difficult journeys helps develop our will power and fearlessness. We are reminded of our spiritual intentions when we have to brave all sorts of harsh circumstances, and then adjust to those difficult circumstances as we move toward our destination. When we are in these sacred places very high up in the Himalayas, the natural sights alone help lift us to thoughts of divinity, and one experiences a remembrance of the Lord. I had to also deal with the loneliness that comes when a person is by himself for so long. The material comforts are completely lacking, but I came to see that a person can live under almost any circumstances if he has the will power and can gradually become accustomed. I saw the people native to that area being able to live quite happily in those conditions, and I felt that I could do it too. By going on a yatra each year my attachment to any one place in particular is lessened, and I see that I can be happy anywhere!