"If you surrender to God and take a vow not to commit more sins, you are a child of God. This has happened in my life. This is my wealth."

Ans : I was born into an orthodox Brahmin family. My grandparents and parents were worshippers of Lord Vishnu. My grandfather was a great Sanskrit scholar who served the local Maharaja in this capacity. My father did kirtan (singing) in our house and had a great love for the Bhagavatam. My father would also keep religious people in our house who needed a place to stay. Because the six children in my family that preceded me all died in infancy, my parents came to feel that I might also die if I stayed in the house, so I was sent to live with my grandfather. As a young boy, I was sleeping in his room, and at 3 am he would arise and recite the hymns to Lord Krishna. It was very enchanting and left a deep impression in me.

I didn't like to go to school; I studied but had no real interest. I wanted instead to be at pujas and other religious functions. My grandfather seemed to be unable to get me to study, so I was sent back to my father. One day at school a brahmachari from the Sivananda Ashram came to demonstrate yoga asanas and do bhajans (singing hymns). He told us of Swami Sivananda. Later my parents would come on a yatra (pilgrimage) to Badrinath and saw Swami Sivananda himself.

I went on to study engineering and got degrees in electrical and mechanical engineering, but I was really not much interested in it, as it was not the primary thing in my life. I had a job in a business in Calcutta, but later came to work in a sugar factory-a job I would keep for 28 years. I had an arranged marriage when I was 17 with a girl who was 12 from another orthodox, Brahmin family, but we did not truly begin our real marriage until I was 22. I was not in fact much interested to get married either, but our families thought it was the right thing to do. We had five children together.

While I was in the college I came across a fairly vulgar periodical called "My Magazine." I was surprised to see a religious article there by Swami Sivananda, and I thought to myself, "Why is this fellow writing in a magazine like this?" But as my life went on, I began to develop many vices. I led a sensual life filled with smoking, drinking and girls. I also learned to be an astrologer and began to practise it to make money. I got greedy and began to tell lies in my astrology work in order to deceive people and make more money. Later I suffered for months because of this lying, and to make up for my bad behaviour I began to give astrology predictions without charging money, and eventually I gave up the work altogether. I got involved with tantra practices and acquired powers, but I did it without discipline and was led astray. I left that too, as it was no good for me finally.

In 1972 I went to a Bhagavat Saptaha (reading of the Bhagavatam lasting a week), and a Baba was there who impressed me very much. During the week, some words spoken from the Bhagavatam entered into me-suddenly there was a change in me, a complete transformation in fact. I became in that moment a totally different person, almost as if by magic! I felt I needed a guru. As part of my work I was moving around India anyway, and as such I began to seek out a guru in various Ashrams throughout the country. At some point later in 1972, Swami Chidanandaji came to Orissa, and although I was not able to speak with him personally, nevertheless I had an incredible experience with him. I was seated near him during a function, and he turned to look at me, and I felt that he looked right through me, into my deepest self. Immediately I knew he was my guru.

One year later a Divine Life Society conference was being held in Orissa. Swami Chidanandaji was staying in a house 12 kilometres from the venue, and as I had a car, I volunteered it to use in bringing Swamiji to the conference location. It's odd what happened: when we arrived, people saw me as the driver of the car Swamiji was in, and they assumed I was some sort of VIP! Later, when nominations were being made for managing positions in the Orissa Organising Committee for the DLS, my name was put forward and approved by Swamiji himself! That meant that anytime Swamiji came to Orissa, I would be there with him, as I was now in the inner circle, so to speak. I was eager to have mantra initiation from him but it didn't happen at first. Swamiji urged me to come to Rishikesh, and in 1974 I did so. For nine days I asked for initiation and he continued to put me off; however on the ninth day, in October of 1974, I was finally given initiation, and Swami Chidanandaji was officially my guru. Swamiji gave me the mantra in the name of Gurudev, not from his own authority.

In the next years I had a number of joyous encounters with Swamiji. I could go on and on about the wonderful stories of his love and devotion, and some things border almost on the miraculous. He came often to Orissa and frequently to our home, six times altogether. His reverence for God, God's children and all created things was extraordinary. When going to the toilet, even there he would do mental puja to every article he used. His total humility was striking and also revealing; he seemed to have no selfish individual ego separating him from the divine.

Swamiji was all along giving me spiritual advice and urging me to be completely immersed in the spiritual life. In 1991 I took a preliminary initiation into sannyas and in 1997 took full initiation; my life in the worldly sense was ended and from that day I am here.
My sadhana now consists of study of scripture, such as Gita, Upanishads, and Bhagavatam), meditation, satsang and service. My meditation originally involved fixing the image of divinity in the third eye, but I shifted the centre of concentration to the heart. One expands the heart space so that there is no object left to contemplate; one can surrender oneself fully and go beyond the mind. Meditation moves from being distracted by thought to being thoughtless. I see clearly that nothing happens by our efforts, but yet effort is necessary to know that effort is not necessary! I know to ignore the mind-thoughts in the mind will just pass away. I also use vichara (enquiring "Who am I?") and look into the nature of my ultimate being. Work is necessary-no idle time should be there. I am an active type of person and need to be engaged in karma yoga. Swami Chidananda told me to become desireless, and this I am aspiring to do.

My schedule looks something like this: get up at 3:15, 3:45-4:15 meditation, 4:15-4:45 worship in the temple, 4:45-6 meditation in the Samadhi Mandir, 6-7 Dining Hall work, 7:30-8:15 Vedanta class, 9-11 office work, food and rest up until 2:30, study 30 minutes and some work, 4:30-5:30 meditation, then dinner and evening satsang. Sivananda Ashram is such a wonderful place where people can practise as they want. I take great comfort from the words of the scriptures that you may be any kind of sinner, but if you surrender to God and take a vow not to commit more sins, you are a child of God. This has happened in my life. This is my wealth.