"A love developed, more than a father and son. This was something beyond any human relationship. Even a remembrance of that relationship is sufficient for me."

Ans : In my 26th year a time came when there was a change. I had no spiritual ideas before that-I was just a normal person. My father had a guru and was pious, but I never got much from that. Somehow I came across some books and then things became interesting. I read Autobiography of a Yogi and that book revealed a new life to me. Something more than the words in the book came through. I felt that the things in that book were somehow not new to me, and I was very enchanted by that. After reading this one book, I started reading more books. I wrote to the Self-Realization Fellowship to do a correspondence course, but I eventually dropped it.
I had been in the military service, and came to the Sivananda Ashram for a visit in 1982. I met Swami Chidanandaji and got mantra diksha from him. Every year I would come; by the grace of God I did not have to wander much to find the right place. Since I left my service in 1988 I have been in the Ashram.

The highest blessing I could imagine was the opportunity to serve the great Swami Vidyanandaji here in the Ashram. I was able to be with this wonderful man day and night in the later years when he fell sick. When I first came to the Ashram, I was introduced to many people, but he specifically attracted me. He was a great Vedantin, a great devotee, and a tremendous vina player-and a man not recognized by all. His routine was filled with activities the whole day. He got up at 2:30 am, did meditation, and then 4 to 6 am had Gita chanting collectively. At 1:30 pm again chanting with vina would be done with mantras recited according to the particular day of the week. At 3:30 pm he would have a class on Gita or Upanishads.

Normally he did not come out of his room, so many people were not aware of his existence. He had no interest to go anywhere. Ultimately he was totally with God alone. His illness in later life was a blessing in disguise for me, who could serve him. The good fortune of being in a spiritual atmosphere for many lifetimes does not exceed serving a great one. Every minute with him was satsang, because people like that don't want to talk about anything else. A love developed, more than a father and son even, yet neither one was attached. This was something beyond any human relationship. Even a remembrance of that relationship is sufficient for me. It is the grace of Gurudev that such a situation was created for me.

Now I experience Swami Vidyanandaji more strongly, even though he is not in the body. When he was in human form, we didn't see things properly. Only after they leave the physical body do we better understand. The body and physical appearance mislead us. Now I am living in his old room, and I feel him even more. We are so taken by this body-but we are not the body. When the appearance of the body goes, we are able to see these saints in a more profound way. How much he loved me…now I know more who he was. I don't deserve this grace. Because of him my life has a purpose. My understanding has deepened and I see that only That is real, not this physical world. The purpose of this life is to abide in that Reality every moment. The whole of life is a sadhana-talking, doing, anything. Sadhana is 'effort of abidance,' if at all it needs an effort. Peace and happiness are there for all to enjoy. That is the real prasad of Gurudev. For this we are eternally grateful.

After Vidyanandaji's passing people wanted me to write something, but it is hard to describe these things. The seeker should be with the master without opinions. All the incidents that occured with him were secondary; they were only outer things. Viewed from different angles, they might misguide people, so I trust the inner relationship.

The Ashram is not a place to live permanently. One should learn here, re-gain oneself and then go out and serve and live as you can. An individual should be free-not attached to a particular place. The guru and an ashram are necessary until the disciple's eyes are opened, but after that the disciple should be able to live on his own.