"When I looked at him I was almost in tears-he was so beautiful to behold. I could see my own guru in him."

Ans : Both my father and mother were very pious people. Although he was a businessman, my father never had that money-oriented attitude. He always gave to people who needed, and did not bother about his own personal needs. He was also a great musician, but never took money for his playing or teaching of music. Playing bhajans and singing have been the sadhana my family did, and we learned this mostly from him. He didn't do any of the standard sadhana, except for occasional worship. His japa was on the inside. He and my mother were both moral examples for us. She was a perfect housewife and a wonderful mother. Her family was very orthodox, and she did pujas and attended festivals throughout her life, and she did continuous japa up till the day she died. My grandparents were also very pious and gave us much support. Spiritual samskaras were a part of my life from the very outset-my four other married siblings are also interested in the spiritual life.

Circumstances were demanding, and I began work at a bank and later I moved into work in a government office where I stayed for 15 years. I was very shy as a young girl, but my fellow employees and my boss were so wonderful. I especially admired my immediate boss, who was truly a great man.

I didn't marry at first because I needed to be on my own and be able to earn for my family. As time went on, I gradually gained dispassion towards marriage and towards the worldly life in general, and decided that I didn't want to marry. I did have one marriage possibility, but it did not work out by the grace of the Lord. I sometimes quarreled with my mother about marriage, because she feared for my future if I did not marry. Once I blurted out in frustration, "I will just go and live in an Ashram," but I had no idea in what Ashram! Eventually she gave up trying to get me married off, and I was free from that obligation.

In 1975, my boss died, and I voluntarily retired from service. He had been like a guru to me and would take such care for my well-being. It was said of him that he appeared to be an officer in the government, but in actual fact he was a knower of God. Through my boss, I came to know of two great saints, and I admired these holy men very much. One incident that stood out in my mind involved my boss's young daughter who had been suffering terribly for years with a extremely bloated stomach, and who was almost at the point of death. Her father had some connections with doctors in America and was preparing to take her at great expense to be treated in the US. This saint casually said that she needed only to be lanced and the whole problem would be solved. Out of faith, the father had this simple procedure done, and sure enough this small operation eventually cured the girl of this life threatening illness.

There was another incident which occurred, that showed how these great people work. After the passing away of my boss I had been staying in his house to take care of one of his relatives. The other saint, one Swamiji, said at some point, "Now it is enough. Whatever had to be done, has been done," and he invited me to come on pilgrimage with him. I got permission from my parents for a one-month journey. Swamiji gave me mantra diksha at this point, but curiously he asked me later what mantra had been given. (He was in such an elevated state that he seemed to occasionally "forget" things like that). I told him the mantras that had been given, and he said, "You should chant this continuously." He kept asking, "Are you chanting the name?" He wanted to be sure that I kept up remembrance at all times.

Swamiji got the prompting to build a guesthouse at his own guru's place. Swamiji was a simple person with no money of his own, and building a huge complex seemed beyond his means. Nevertheless he went forward with the project. The contractor came forward with an estimate for all the work, and as it turned out, the biksha he had collected from the devotees was exactly the amount of money needed for the building work! The guesthouse was just about completed except for one wood-working job for the roof, but there were no carpenters to do this very skilled job. This work was crucial as the building was due to be dedicated the very next day and it absolutely had to be done. In the very last moment, unannounced and out of the blue, a group of carpenters turned up who were able to complete the work on time!

The next day it came about that he seemed to be somehow taking leave of us in various subtle ways. He had urged me to go to a particular holy place. He went into the bathroom section of a small room that also included an altar to his guru, but he did not come out even after a few hours. Finally one of the devotees was able to break into the room, and he found Swamiji lying on the floor in full prostration, with his hands clasped in prayer above his head pointing toward the altar. He had passed away in that position and had been lying there for two hours. I really missed him when he died. He had put me into this spiritual track and I was forever grateful for what he had done.

Almost a year later, I recalled that Swamiji had urged me to go to this holy place, and I had not yet done it. In order to fulfill his wish, I went to that place. Upon arrival in the temple there, I saw another swami who was there giving a lecture in a language I could not understand. I was in the temple with others helping with the music programme. I recognized this swami as someone that our community guru had told us about, and we were asked to sing for him. This swami was the great Swami Chidanandaji of Sivananda Ashram, but I did not know this at the time. When I looked at him I was almost in tears-he was so beautiful to behold. I could see my own guru in him. After ten minutes he left, and I was not to see him again for a few years.

In 1979 my brothers got married, and coming back from the wedding I had a sense of relief-a feeling that my responsibilities were over. Around that time I had a very distinct vision of Gurudev while in prayer, and this was a pivotal experience for me. I happened to see a picture of Swami Chidanandaji in a magazine with his name beside it, so I finally knew who that wonderful swami was I had seen. My mother and two aunts and I were going on an All-India tour, and Rishikesh was a place we would be visiting in the latter part of the tour. I wrote to the Sivananda Ashram asking for permission to come and stay. After our arrival in Risikesh, I very much wanted to have darshan of Swami Chidanandaji, and was given the chance to meet him in his place in Guru Niwas. I was trembling and not able to speak properly! Swamiji made inquiries about various people and told us that we should continue on as planned on our pilgrimage to Badrinath, giving us specific instructions about going. He asked us to come back to the Ashram after the pilgrimage so that I could sing bhajans for Gurudev's Aradhana celebration, which I gladly did.

At this point my father was quite ill, and we feared he did not have much time to live. My youngest brother was a very spiritual and devoted person, and he felt a very strong urge to give up his life in our home and go to live in the Sivananda Ashram where we had been staying for almost eight months. My father pleaded with him to stay and be with him as he lived out his last days, but my brother was adamant about carrying out his wish. My brother took the long train journey to Rishikesh, and he met Swami Chidanandaji immediately upon arrival in the Sivananda Ashram. Swamiji inquired from my brother about the health of our father. When he heard that our father was ill, he ordered my brother in no uncertain terms to turn right around and take the very next train home to be with our father! This must be understood in the context of a three-day train ride up to the Ashram, and now a three-day trip back. Eventually Swami Chidanandaji came to our home to visit our father and bless him before his passing away.

My father died in 1981 and we brought the ashes to be put into the Ganges at Badrinath. Once again, Swamiji gave specific instructions about how the ceremony was to be done. At this point my brother had the opportunity he had sought-to be a full-time resident of the Ashram and be here to serve Swamiji. My mother said she too wanted to stay here. I was myself delighted with the possibility of staying in the Ashram along with her, so it came to be that all three of us became full-time residents of the Ashram.

Once I was here, I wanted to know more about music sadhana. I was taken to Swami Vidyanandaji, and he gave a lot of inspiration to my music and me, teaching me that art and science should go together. Without fail I would go to his early morning and afternoon classes, and he taught me about music sadhana, and also about the Gita and Upanishads. This was the basis of my sadhana. Swami Krishanandaji also gave me a lot of encouragement in my music. Singing is my meditation finally. I don't sit for japa or meditation, but I try to have japa going on continuously in my daily life.

My mother became very ill at some point and she wanted very much to take sannyas. I too wanted to do the same. The request was put to Swami Chidananda, and he said, "Gurudev is very happy with this request." We were given jnana sannyas and three years later full sannyas.