"Having asked the question and received an answer, there was no question in my mind but that I must obey. It was a turning point in my life."

Ans : I was brought up in a normal Canadian home, attended church, and then joined the army at age 17 during World War II. While in the army I began to read books with a spiritual bent. In my late 20's I read more books that inspired me. Two in particular influenced me greatly: In Tune With the Infinite and Cosmic Consciousness. Those books convinced me that there was a goal in life beyond the normal goals I had as a young business and family man. My general goals were to raise my family, make some money and serve the community.
Until 1959 I was in a family retail business. I then shifted to the financial field-dealing in shares, bonds, mutual funds etc. At about the same time I met an Indian businessman living in Hong Kong who was a disciple of Swami Sivananda. As he talked about the great saint, I suddenly asked him if he had experienced cosmic consciousness. He replied, "By the grace of Swami Sivananda, I have." My attention was immediately riveted because for years I had been reading books pointing to a higher state of consciousness, but I had never met anyone who could teach me more from their own personal experience.

During this Indian's short visit to Vancouver he stayed in the ashram of Swami Sivananda Radha Mataji located in a Vancouver suburb. I visited the ashram several times with him and from time to time after he left. On one visit in early 1960 I noticed a letter posted up near the door. It was a note from Swami Chidananda discussing his upcoming visit. The letter seemed to leap off the wall. Swamiji arrived in late May and I was fortunate to see him the day of his arrival.

I was soon attending his two weekly classes-one in the ashram and one in a little room above Swami Radha's bookstore in downtown Vancouver. Later I helped to arrange a series of ten lectures in the spacious Coronation room of the Y.W.C.A. These lectures were well attended and became the basis of Swamiji's book The Path Beyond Sorrow. As Swamiji talked I had the feeling that he was putting into words thoughts that had been vaguely in my mind for years. At some level my wife also wanted to be involved, but the teachings never really made sense to her. At the time my daughter and three sons varied in age from ten down to one and a half.

Swamiji's first visit to Vancouver lasted about three months. He visited again briefly in December 1960 and again in November 1961 on his way back to India. In the meantime we had a spiritual group that met regularly, and Swamiji frequently wrote letters of guidance and encouragement. In February 1961 he made a one-day visit to Bellingham near the Canadian border. I met him at the Seattle airport and received the mantra initiation I had earlier requested. In the meantime I had become a vegetarian due to his impact on me-a very unusual thing for a young businessman in those days. Actually, my attraction to Swamiji was so powerful that if he had said, "Follow me," I would have done it. Fortunately he didn't, but as life worked out, 14 years later, the moment my youngest son was 15 years old and I had enough finances to support my wife, God brought me to India.

Swamiji returned to India in January 1962. I received several more letters from him and then silence for two or three years. I gradually returned to my business interests, but the spiritual interest remained with me, albeit somewhat in the background. By 1969 I had become a vice-president of the firm and that was the year that Swami Chidananda arrived back in Canada during his second world tour. It was as if he had never left! Unfortunately I was so busy that I didn't have the time to escort him around Vancouver as much as on his first trip, but I did manage to get away three different times for one to two weeks to be with him full time.

A week or so before he was to leave Vancouver on his way back to India, in an entirely unpremeditated way, I casually asked the question, "What should I do next?" He replied, "Visit India sometime." I asked, "How soon?" His answer was to come within five years. I had never seriously thought about visiting India, and I have no idea where the question came from. But having asked the question and received an answer there was no question in my mind but that I must obey. It was a turning point in my life.

That was the year 1970. The market was bad, and I was under great pressure at work. My health suffered. Within the next year or so I had two breakdowns caused by bleeding ulcers, the second one resulting in major surgery which removed most of my stomach. However, by 1973 things had improved and after having received permission from Swamiji I made arrangements with my partners to take four months leave of absence plus my six weeks vacation time to travel to India in September 1974. This would bring me back to Vancouver in time to be involved in the management changes required by the retirement of our president in March 1975.

However, there was another factor at work. I was having some serious reservations about how well our tentative future management arrangements would work (even though I was primarily the one proposing them). Then one evening still another factor entered. I was sitting quietly at home and suddenly an inner voice commanded, "Quit tomorrow!" I objected, but the voice repeated, "Quit tomorrow!" I protested again that I needed more time to think about it. The voice answered, "Put up or shut up!" I knew that it had to be obeyed, and so with great trepidation I offered my resignation at our weekly board meeting the following day. The day after my resignation the bottom dropped out of the market due to the 1973 oil crisis. It was an amazing occurrence, because I would never have quit during a bad market.
This meant that when I came to India in September 1974 I was free of business commitments, although I had enrolled in the fall 1975 session of the Vancouver School of Theology after reading in one of Gurudev's books, "Once you leave service, do not return to it." One thing, however, still bothered me. I had not followed Swami Chidananda in 1960. Was I meant to now? The inner answer came back, "Leave it to Swami Chidananda." Thus when I came to India and Swamiji asked me about my plans, I gave them, and then suddenly said, "But how long I stay in India and when and if I go back to Canada is up to Swamiji." I almost died as I realised that I had just given my life away. However, the words were out, and I felt that there was no question but that I must stick to them.

Swamiji extended my visit to 18 months, and then told me that I should return to India after 4 months in time for his 60th birthday celebrations. He didn't give me any idea whether the return would be for a short or long period until the last moment when he said to return between the 20th and 25th of August for an indefinite period. During our conversation it came up that I had anticipated coming early September as I had in 1974. He said that he would let me know which date, but he never did. So finally I booked myself back on August 22nd. Then another strange twist of fate took place. A week after I left, my father had a major heart attack and died two weeks later. I am an only son and my mother was not well. If I had decided to come in early September, I would not have been able to leave.

One day, before leaving Vancouver to return to India, I said to my daughter, "This is the easy part. The tough part is yet to come." The tough part included many years of bad health, missing my family and the comforts of home, as well as the difficulties involved in coming to grips with a way of life whose purpose is to wear away the ego rather than enhance it. Fortunately, after many years the clouds began to disperse and a clearer sense of direction has emerged. During this long period I have been sustained in large part by my obedience to the guru. In fact, an insight a few years ago revealed that that obedience was my connection to God.

Now, I am happy to say, my health has greatly improved, and I have had the blessing of helping to edit a sufficient number of Swami Chidananda's early morning meditation talks to produce several books. I also do a little teaching and give a short talk each morning at the end of the meditation period. However, I always remember what a voice said to me when my meditation was going particularly well soon after I came to the ashram: "What you are seeking is in another ballpark." In other words, no matter how grand our spiritual experiences or how profound our insights, the goal of the spiritual life is something beyond. I have gradually come to believe that the goal is to abide in that which is Unknowable and to be Its instrument here on earth.